June 19, 2007
Filed under: Features
It'd be cool to live in Japan, we've always said. The food, the culture, the fact that by 2011,
89% of the Japanese will own a DS ... wait, what?
That's insane. Ridiculous. Incomprehensible. We're quite sure that not even
close to 89% of Americans have a web-connected computer (2003
U.S. census figures showed 55%), and it's almost assumed in today's society that you've got access to the internet at home.
With such a ubiquitous, portable, and interactive device, it's amazing that the Japanese haven't
truly capitalized on its potential. They've got English dictionaries and day planners and all that, but
everyone's got one! Why not introduce eBooks, or DS-enabled fast food drive-thrus, or ...! Well, we're maybe not so good at this.
What would you guys do with that ridiculous penetration rate?
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 15, 2007
Filed under: Features
The final release of
Harry Potter, one of the most widespread, wonderful literary series ever written, is coming to a close come July 21st. We'd like to take a moment and salute J. K. Rowling for reintroducing the better part of a world to the joys of reading, because hey, if no one read, we'd be out of our jobs. Pick up
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as soon as you can, guys. Trust us.
Harry Potter and the Japanese Hardware Sales
"Harry," said Ron, slightly out of breath, "Snape'll go nutters if we're late again. Remember what he did to Neville?"
"Yeah," replied Harry, throwing himself down a shifting staircase and sprinting through the corridors. Snape had used a particularly nasty hex on the frequently tardy Neville, turning his hands into N-Gages. Harry allowed himself a momentary shudder.
They rounded a corner and began the descent into Snape's dungeon of a classroom, Harry's least favorite place at Hogwarts. Even disregarding his immense dislike of Severus Snape, Harry had never had much of a knack for Potions; it was always his lowest grade of the term.
Suddenly, Ron stopped dead ahead of him. Harry slammed into his back, nearly toppling the two down the hard, stone stairs.
"C'mon, Ron, what did--"
"ENOUGH," came the cold, hard voice of Severus Snape, and Harry's stomach did a flip. "You two. Come with me." He shoved past the boys and up the spiral stairs; Harry and Ron followed suit.
Snape said nothing as they took a particularly long sequence of confusing twists and turns through the castle. Harry was amazed that even after his years at Hogwarts, there were still massive areas of the castle they he'd never even seen. He shot a furtive look at Ron, who was visibly sweating. There were limits to how much a teacher could discipline a student, but Snape had always held a particular hatred for Harry Potter and his friends ....
Snape stopped in front of a cold, wooden door. "Inside," he snapped, and the boys scurried through the entrance. Snape followed, closed the door, and all light was extinguished.
"
Editionus," muttered Snape, and immediately, little beams of light began tracing paths through the darkness. Harry gaped as a sequence of consoles and numbers presented themselves before him, wondering what torturous punishment Snape could possibly enact with such information. Illuminated slightly by the writing, Harry saw Snape's lips curl into an ugly smile.
"You two seem to think your status exempts you from proper behavior at Hogwarts school," drawled Snape, prompting Ron to roll his eyes languidly. Snape didn't see it. "Look closely, Potter, Weasley. What do you see?"
Harry glared at the numbers, confused. "They're ... they're last week's sales numbers, aren't they?"
"No," Snape answered coolly. "They're
this week's sales numbers. They're almost completely identical to last week's, though."
Harry looked at Ron, confused. "And the punishment is ...?"
Snape glared at Harry. "I don't really have a punishment, I just thought that was strange. You may both leave now."
Bewildered but not in any mood to argue, he and Ron felt around for the knob and threw open the door, nearly dashing away from the former Death Eater. They were halfway down the hallway when Harry stopped, a strange expression on his face.
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"I ... I didn't have time to leave a pro-Nintendo comment in there! I'm gonna lose my street cred! DAMN YOU, SNAPE!"
- DS Lite: 117,193
5,947 (4.83%)
- Wii: 64,529
5,219 (7.48%)
- PSP: 24,711
1,647 (6.25%)
- PS2: 11,097
717 (6.07%)
- PS3: 8,776
222 (2.47%)
- Xbox 360: 2,533
314 (14.15%)
- Game Boy Micro: 481
171 (55.16%)
- GBA SP: 302
55 (22.27%)
- Gamecube: 167
59 (26.11%)
- DS Phat: 35
36 (50.70%)
- GBA: 16 -- 0 (0%)
[Source:
Media Create]
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 15, 2007
Filed under: News, Nintendo Wi-Fi
A primary concern of
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl (or, at least, that of this blogger) is the incredibly rampant cheating. In the past, use of an Action Replay wasn't a horrible offense ... your team would be uber, and a couple of your personal friends might be a bit ticked, but that was all.
These days, in the era of Wi-Fi, ridiculously impossible trades litter the GTS. What, you don't have a Level 100 shiny Palkia? Well,
hmph, you can't have my Level 7 Munchlax, then. For honest players, or those that don't have access to hacking tools, such Pokemon would take days to train up and impossible luck/determination for one with shiny status. That's why we're happy that Nintendo is cracking down on some Action Replay users, specifically ones using the "All 493 Pokemon," "All Shiny," and "National-Dex" cheats. They will henceforth be banned from online barter.
Feel free to start a flamewar regarding the justification of cheating, by the way. We're pyros.
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 12, 2007
Filed under: DS Daily
Let's face it: there aren't many decent fighters for the DS. Japan received the superb
Jump Superstars, featuring an insanely large cast of everyone's favorite anime characters, but was not seen fit for localization. While DS Fanboy is all about
hopes and
dreams, we're also about
violence; with that in mind, what fictional characters
would you like to see slug it out?
We eliminate standard Nintendo characters; we already have
Smash Bros. for those rivalries. We're talking real pirate vs. ninja stuff here. Suggestions among our staff have included Captain Nemo from
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea against Nemo from
Finding Nemo, and the singer of
Bananaphone against
Charlie the Unicorn.
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 9, 2007
Filed under: Features
We know, you were disappointed. Last night, as you happily refreshed DS Fanboy every nine seconds or so looking for this week's
Japanese hardware sales, the vim slowly faded from your eyes as the hours ticked into oblivion. We would never willingly deprive our readers so; we were unavoidably delayed! You see ....
Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him ... there were the moon men, reigning over the Earth. But this was not the Earth you knew! It was covered in jelly and high-density motor oil, making the planet very slippery. The moon men blamed the corporations, and there was a war and many were killed. The battle raged for millennia until 8000 A.D., when the moon men realized they were not actually from the moon, but from rural Pennsylvania. They then built a monument to the moon but then the Quakers stole it and filled it with oatmeal, and no one knew what flavor. Californians were highly displeased and turned all the Quakers invisible, which is why you never see them anymore. And that ... is where babies come from.
- DS Lite: 123,140
4,321 (3.39%)
- Wii: 69,748
11,104 (18.93%)
- PSP: 26,358
261 (1.00%)
- PS2: 11,814
503 (4.45%)
- PS3: 8,998
629 (6.53%)
- Xbox 360: 2,219
175 (8.56%)
- Game Boy Micro: 310
97 (23.83%)
- GBA SP: 247
41 (14.24%)
- Gamecube: 226
30 (11.72%)
- DS Phat: 71
10 (12.35%)
- GBA: 16
1 (5.88%)
[Source:
Media Create]
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 8, 2007
Filed under: News
Not content with resting on their sensory laurels, Nintendo decided to just go ahead and make another bizarre form of input (since it seems to be working so well). The upcoming DS title
Slide Adventure: Mag Kid (which could use a better marketing team) will feature a "
slide sensor" that fits in the GBA slot of the DS. It extends outwards onto the back on the DS, and when the device is placed on a flat surface, the sensor can pick up the sliding motion of the entire unit on said surface.
It's a little weird, but it's got some cool potential. It does, however, reduce the true portability of the device, rendering both bus-play and
toilet-play completely useless. And we sure do love our toile ... you know what, never mind.
[Via
Joystiq]
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 6, 2007
Filed under: Homebrew
What's that? You're already two hundred minutes over your monthly limit and you just
have to tell your friend the
latest news? Well, practical solutions include borrowing another friend's cell phone and/or displaying a modicum of patience, but we never were much for
practical around here.
For those with
homebrew capabilities, a
new VoIP app has been written by JSR. It's still in the testing phase, but since we're too stupid to actually
code anything, this is how we get those "we're contributing!" fuzzy feelings. Do what you can, we say, and if you also want to shout at your buddy through a DS, all the better. Check it out.
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 5, 2007
Filed under: Features
We've touched on the
issue of the stylus before; many people use thicker, professional styluses from PDAs or whatnot, while others use some of the
special edition ones seen around the internet. But it's a free-thinking world, guys and gals, and
reality is such a ho-hum place.
Let your mind drift and dream, and
tell us, dear readers: in a
penultimate world (that's a clever pun, see?), what would
your stylus be? Any reasonably cylindrical shape will do. We're partial to the deadly eastern dragon above, of course.
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
June 1, 2007
Filed under: News, Features
Some of our readers wonder exactly what they're supposed to
do with the Japanese hardware sales every week. To promote enlightenment and worldwide harmony, we've taken the liberty of creating a step-by-step walkthrough of a proper response to the weekly figures. Adhere to these rules whenever possible, and if you must deviate, remember to at least properly remove all semblance of standard English grammar from your comments.
1. Look for any obvious outliers in the sales data, such as the Nintendo DS falling out of first place. This will never occur; advance to step 2.
2. Statistical variation causes slight fluctuations every week. Immediately look for numbers that come close to dividing evenly into one another; this enables comments such as, "lol, wii sold 5x of PS3s this week, pwnage."
3. Should any Nintendo systems suffer a decrease in sales, come up with reasons as to
why they dropped. The usually accurate "supply is unable to currently meet demand" excuse is no longer sufficient in most cases. Come up with creative replies like, "redirected shipments of software caused a temporary instability in the retail market," or "lol ghost of kutaragi put a curse on teh DS kekekekeke."
4. There will invariably be a Sony or Microsoft troll, defending his or her own system while attacking your own. Henceforth, we'll be posting IP addresses and relevant contact information*; please take it upon yourselves to attack and/or maim the aforementioned troll, preferably with some kind of mace that grants +7 strength while fighting trolls.
*Really.**
- DS Lite: 127,461
16,248 (14.61%)
- Wii: 58,644
6,451 (12.36%)
- PSP: 26,097
1,408 (5.12%)
- PS2: 11,311
430 (3.95%)
- PS3: 9,627
968 (11.18%)
- Xbox 360: 2,044
18 (0.89%)
- Game Boy Micro: 407
21 (4.91%)
- GBA SP: 288
42 (12.73%)
- Gamecube: 256
20 (7.25%)
- DS Phat: 81
55 (211.54%)
- GBA: 17
16 (48.48%)
[Source:
Media Create]
**Not really.
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
May 31, 2007
Filed under: How-tos
Some of us prefer to hide our geekiness, fearing a loss of social status and reduced favor with the opposite sex. Others know that such things are mere
trifles, and display their dorkdom with honor and pride. For those of the latter, we would point you to a
step-by-step walkthrough of how to make your very own tetromino ice cubes. Yes, it must be
Tetris craft week all around the intertron.
The steps are clearly written and easy to follow, but some woodwork and silicone supplies are required. If you're a handyman (or woman), go make yourself some cubes: they'll go wonderfully with that Russian vodka. Just kidding. We mean pop.
(
Punch Out!! reference FTW)
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Posted by Jason Wishnov under Nintendo DS | Comments (0)
